Operation: Shounen-Ai - a Full Metal Panic fanfic

Disclaimer: Full Metal Panic does not belong to me. This is a work of (very cracked-out) fanfiction.

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Sagara Sousuke leaned back in his chair, raising the mechanical manual he was reading so he could see it more easily from his new position. He was so engrossed in the book that he didn't hear the door open and slam, nor did he notice the rather loud crash that came from the front room.

He did hear the sound of a body falling against the doorjamb, however, and he glanced up. "Oh, Kurz. You're back early." He took one look at Kurz Weber and looked back to his book, rolling his eyes. The smell of alcohol that was permeating the room was nauseating.

Kurz blinked, trying to get the strange haze out of his eyes. "I missed you, Sousuke!" His speech was slurred, and he seemed to be having difficulty making his head stop spinning. He stumbled over to Sousuke's chair and fell into it, tumbling head-first into Sousuke's lap.

"Mmmmph, you're warm, Sousuke-kun.." came Kurz's muffled voice from the vicinity of Sousuke's crotch. As if that wasn't enough, Kurz moved his head in a motion that distinctly resembled nuzzling.

The first thought that ran through Sousuke's mind, following the obvious "DEAR GOD WHY IS KURZ NUZZLING MY MAN-PARTS?!", was that this was definitely not the kind of position in which he'd want Chidori to catch him. He threw his mechanical manual aside and shoved Kurz uncerimoniously onto the floor. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed, his voice taking on a tone that sounded curiously close to a Kaname-esque screech.

"Sorry, man," Kurz said, rubbing his elbow and seeming unsure as to whether he would be able to get himself up off of the floor. He gave a rather sly smile. "You can't say you didn't like it, Sousuke-kun."

Sousuke sputtered. "No, I didn't like it, Kurz! In case you hadn't noticed, despite the fact that I'm in the military, I'm not interested in men, least of all you!"

Kurz looked wounded. "So you wouldn't even..?"

"NO." As if that was the end of it, Sousuke fetched his book and resumed reading, promptly forgetting that Kurz was in the room (save the overpowering aroma of alcohol).

Despite being reprimanded, Kurz sat on the floor without moving for a few minutes, looking up at Sagara with sad eyes. Finally, he stumbled to his feet and leaned against the arm of Sousuke's chair. He sat like this for a few moments, breathing heavily scented air into Sousuke's face until finally the other man couldn't stand it anymore and closed his book again. "What, Kurz?"

Kurz grinned as if he had won a great battle. "I never noticed you were so.. bewitching."

"What are you talking about, Kurz?!" Sousuke turned his head away from Kurz's in an attempt to avoid the putrid aroma. "Can't you just leave me alone? I'm trying to read."

The wounded puppy eyes returned to Kurz's face, but he didn't show any signs of budging. Quite to the contrary, in fact; he leaned in closer to Sousuke's face, their lips becoming disconcertingly close. "But, Sousuke-kun!" He leaned in even farther, his lips now a centimeter from Sagara's. "I think I love you."

Sousuke's eyes widened, but not because of the emotion Kurz was hoping for. "What are you, nuts? Or just the most drunk person I've ever seen?"

Despite Sousuke's words, Kurz decided that the fact that Sagara didn't push him away was a sign to proceed. He leaned in that extra centimeter and planted his lips firmly, albeit sloppily, on Sousuke's.

Sousuke's first thought wasn't the one he was expecting. Wow, this doesn't feel too horrible.. He subconsciously leaned into Kurz's kiss, and he didn't complain when Kurz's tongue nudged his lips apart and slid into his mouth. Well, it wasn't as though Sousuke had never kissed a guy before, and this was much more pleasant than when he had to kiss other men for missions and the like, but there was still that nagging feeling, and that voice in his head that sounded remarkably like Chidori.

Kurz pulled back after a few moments, grinning like an idiot. "See, was that so bad?" he asked, messily twirling a finger through Sousuke's short hair. Sousuke was still skeptical, of course -- why the hell wouldn't Chidori's voice get out of his head?! -- but for some reason curiosity got the better of him.

"Now, don't get me wrong, Kurz, because I'm not at all interested in you, but.." Sousuke's stomach churned; after spending so much time under someone else's command, he never acted on impulse anymore. "But.. you're a good kisser."

The room was filled with hyena-like laughter and Kurz nearly toppled over with the force of his fit of giggles. "That's what I want to hear, Sousuke-kun! I've got a lot of experience, you know.. experience I could pass on to you, if you want." He looked like he was attempting to wink, but in his drunken stupor he couldn't manage only closing one eye, so he just gave a very pronounced blink. "Wanna try some more? You can pretend I'm Chidori if you want.."

A deep blush spread across Sousuke's face completely against his will. "I d-don't think that would b-be a good idea," he managed to sputter out, pulling back from Kurz slightly.

The hyena-laugh again. "Okay, okay, fine. How's about.." Kurz closed his eyes, as if thinking in this inebriated state was particularly difficult. Finally he grinned. "Think of it as a mission."

Sousuke's eyes lit up with a new fervor. He couldn't pass up a mission; it would go against his code of ethics.

"Yeah, yeah, a mission!" Kurz continued, standing up and almost shouting, as if he were preaching the gospel. "You're on a mission, but you've been captured!" He leaned back in, pinning Sousuke down between his arms. "And I am your evil captor. The only way you can escape is to seduce me, Sous.."

He was cut off in the middle of his words by Sousuke leaning in and stealing a deep, passionate kiss. Kurz was surprised for a moment, then grabbed ahold of the opportunity to work his tongue back into the other man's mouth. This time, Sousuke seemed almost eager, playing with Kurz's tongue and reaching up to run his hands into Kurz's blond locks. Kurz found that, because of the combination of the alcohol and the warm sensation that Sousuke's kiss was sending through his body, he could no longer hold himself up over the younger man and fell down on top of him.

Sousuke gasped with the added weight of his comrade (although now he was thinking of him entirely as his "evil captor"), but struggled so as not to break the kiss. One hand remained in Kurz's hair while the other ran down his back and to his waist, just above his ass. Just then..

"SOUSUKE?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Sousuke froze. No, it couldn't be..

Kurz, on the other hand, went on as if he didn't hear anything, and moved his body slightly so that Sousuke's hand was now on his ass.

Still, Sousuke could not move. He wasn't able to do anything, in fact, until he felt the brute force of a large paper fan smack him on the top of his head.

"Sousukeeeeee.." Sousuke managed to focus his eyes on the blue-haired girl standing before him. "You'd better have a good explanation for this!"

Suddenly all of Sousuke's senses came rushing back to him. He was in an armchair with Kurz on top of him, kissing him, and his hand was on Kurz's ass.

All of this in front of Chidori.

Sousuke jumped up, again pushing Kurz uncerimoniously to the floor. "Chidori!" he said, getting to his feet and standing at attention. "I assure you, I can explain!"

"You'd better!" Kaname snapped, holding her fan at the ready.

Kurz whined from the floor, then slurred, "Y'know, I can help essplain.."

"NO!!!" Kaname and Sousuke shouted back in unison.

"No, really, Chidori, this is all a misunderstanding." Sousuke continued.

Kaname threw her head back in her trademark laugh. "Misunderstanding? Misunderstanding?! Ha! I'd like to see you explain this one away, Mr. Misunderstanding!"

"I.. um.. uh.." Sousuke's eyes darted from side-to-side, then finally, quick as lightning, he pulled a smoke bomb from God-knows-where and hurled it onto the floor. It burst into a cloud of bright yellow smoke, and Kaname doubled over coughing, trying to catch her breath. When she recovered and the smoke cleared, she noticed that Sousuke was gone.. and that the window had been suspiciously left open.

After glaring at the window fiendishly for a moment and feeling her anger rise to the point of no return, Kaname finally ran across the room and leapt out of the window, baring her paper fan. "You get back here, Sousuke, or I'll.."

And while all of this was happening, Kurz writhed and twitched on the floor. "Sousuke-kun, my love," he managed to cough out. "It's kind of hard to breathe in here. Sousuke-kun?"

Needless to say, when Kurz awoke the next morning, the splitting pain in his head made it impossible for him to remember why exactly he was sleeping on the floor in the first place.

A 27names production.
All works copyright 1998-2009+ Erika Riggio.
Please do not use without permission.